Philosophy In Action

28 October, 1983

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

This notebook is to be an exploratory work aimed at directing myself towards the completion of a cohesive set of goals and a statement of my personal mission. I want to derive lists of what I really want and what activities I want to be involved with. I want to synthesize a statement expressing the Focal point of these endeavors. Then I want to develop a plan designed to further my pursuits, to help me gain ground and to finally achieve my “goals.”

Realizing this process is an important one, I want to be very thorough, and by the time I am finished with this notebook, I may still have more notebooks to fill before the task of designing goals is finished. Further, I believe that planning is a continual process. That is, once I design goals, I will plan for them, but, as time goes on, while the goals may stay pretty much the same, the plans should be constantly revised, feedback obtained, digested and a new plan formulated.

I want this process to be fun, and I invite myself to write in this notebook anything that might seem relevant or important, even if at first glance it seems rather obscure or unrelated. Thus, as I decide what I want, I may also describe past experiences, what I learned, how I felt, changes in my thinking, general reflections,, and so on. I may hypothesize about the future, where I will be, my future state of mind, the potentials, the possible environment—the world, where we’re headed.

Very importantly, my design also includes the wish to develop a philosophy that synthesizes the many observations I’ve had to date.

1 November, 1983

Lukla

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Before I make each entry in this journal, I will re-read the previous entry and summarize what it said. I will update with each entry a one-page or less summary of all I have learned about this quest.

Summary: I want to derive a personal statement including a cohesive set of goals and personal mission. In addition, I want to devise a plan to achieve these goals. The focal point of these goals could be thought of as a philosophy: the practice of this philosophy will be manifested in the plan. This process should germinate personal momentum and should be self-regenerating. Vital to this self-generation, the system needs to be enjoyable, so that I will want to continue working at it. Thoroughness will increase confidence in the system’s potential and creative release will cleanse the depository of thoughts, relax tension and thus be self-generating. Creative release is to be achieved by drawing on my thoughts and acting on them in this process. The process has already begun, as these pages evidence. There is an ongoing momentum to life itself. The secret to the success of this process of deriving a personal statement and plan is to unleash life’s innate expanding velocity. It is my hope that the process I have outlined will yield the desired effect.

2 November, 1983

Namche Bazar

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary: Yesterday when I wrote, it made me think about the definitions of the terms I am writing:  personal momentum, goals, physical health, strategy, personal mission, etc.  I thought a lot about it, but the terms just seem arbitrary and how they fit together seems confusing.  To clear this up, I will draw a simple diagram.

To put it simply, I want to go from A to B. Define Aas my present state. This includes my thoughts, my previous experiences, my material wealth, my health and all the attributes that make up my present life. Now, if I describe how I would like to alter these variables, how I would like to change, what material possessions I wish to have, then I will be defining destinationB. This is a simplified description of my plan to move forward.

I feel a need to “increase my personal momentum,” as I assume that the “distance” between my present state and future state is great, and the “journey” requires me to “speed up,” that is, to gain the capacity to put my thoughts into positive actions with desired outcomes at an increased rate.

Discussion: I think it is clear that the goals I choose should be cohesive—i.e., they should not interfere with each other, but, rather, they should be compatible.

It is desirable to have “confidence” in the system. It is important for me to believe that my methods are sound as I attempt to achieve a transition from A to B. The only way for me to feel it is worthwhile to expend the time and effort necessary for this exploration is to be thorough, to examine my ideas for their rationality, logic and feasibility.

The term “personal mission” might be defined as the “why” to what I am attempting. I may have various goals, but why I am shooting for them is a question I think should be asked, examined and answered to my thorough satisfaction.

(Later, 6:17 p.m.) I was thinking on the trail that the why to my objectives is simply—to enjoy my life to the fullest. By the age of eighteen or so, I had it firmly set in my mind that life is “short,” and it happens only once. I felt that I could spend it any way I like. I thought “why suffer when I can enjoy it?” What is the highest good, to maximize human happiness (i.e., other’s happiness), or to maximize my personal happiness? Perhaps I could maximize other’s happiness living a life of suffering, but since I don’t believe my suffering will in any way lead to other’s happiness, I would rather choose to enjoy myself. If I can make others inspired through my own happiness, I would be doing a great thing. Some of the older people I talked to instilled in me a sense of how short life is, how precious time is, how infinite are the possibilities for existence, and, I think, people gave me some ideas of the various ways they thought life could be enjoyed.

I want to spend my time in the present life in the most worthwhile fashion possible. If the most worthwhile thing is to be a professor or a prophet, so be it. In the assessment of what is most worthwhile, it is natural for me to think of my own comfort and enjoyment. There is an important distinction as to why I have in the past sought immense wealth, etc., and I why I sought to enjoy my life fully—I sought these things because I thought they represent the best I could do. This is different than mere self-seeking.

I might ask myself: What is good? What is the best possible outcome of my life?? This is something to ponder.

3 November, 1983

Namche Bazar

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

No summary.

Discussion: Perhaps limiting my goals to well-planned individual endeavors—for example, saying I want to do 1.A, 2.B, 3.C, 4.D, and 5.E by the time I’m forty—this sort of outlook might simplify my direction.

I can say:

1. (Finance—Intellectual) I want to amass one million dollars
2. (Adventure—Physical) I want to climb Mt. Everest
3. (Love—Sexual) I want to have a very beautifulgirlfriend
4. (Entertainment—Emotional) I want to write, perform and produce on a gold record.
5. (Success—Spiritual) I want to write a best-selling book on my workable philosophy for achievement.

The benefits of this kind of system are clearly seen.

Other thoughts:

1. It is not necessary to say “But what about happiness as a goal?” It’s not necessary, I am assuming, because if I’m doing those things that interest me, I will implicitly be happy. I have noticed from keeping daily ratings that busily working towards an objective is something that makes me happy.
2. Breaking them down to sub-goals would be advisable—always have something in the docket. For example, break down goals like this:
   1. Adventure
      1. Mountain climbing
         1. (Most immediate) Climb Polkalde
         2. Go over 20,000 ft. (28/11/83 accomplished 20,299)
      2.  Sailing
         1. Sail the Greek Islands
      3. Exploration
         1. Contact most remote tribe in New Guinea
      4. Travel
         1. Go to every country in the world
            1. See India
            2. See Taj Mahal

—this sort of format! And have a continual list of this sort but with one restriction: that, after sufficient deliberation, I feel it humanly possible for me to achieve everything listed. This will force me to seriously consider what I realistically can do. It will force me to consider paths or actions that may lead to positive achievements, to assess what routes are open to me. It will be an integrated network of objectives. It will be integrated because the simple rules(*) will require me to make sure the goals are compatible.

*The simple rules being:

1. the goals be humanly possible
2. the goals be compatible
3. to break down goals to specific sub-goals
4. to be thorough in my assessments, planning each goal individually.

13 November, 1983

Namche Bazar

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary: I’ve re-read the last two entries. It all sounds well and positive, but in an attempt to be “thorough” I offer the opinion that it sounds like “pie in the sky.” What the hell am I talking about? What is the ‘system’ I am going to use. I would sincerely like to believe in it, yet what is it? I am afraid that I’m destined to failure because I expect things to come too easily, when often they don’t.

Discussion: When I was 19, nearly ten years ago, I wrote about my desire to be the world’s greatest lover! Well, what a difficult goal this would be to achieve or even define! First off, what historical proof do I have that my potential is great enough to effect, even after years of learning, such a goal? What momentum can I gain in that direction? If I was extremely handsome, clever and rich, perhaps, if I devoted my entire life to this end, I could have a chance. But, realistically speaking, my only prominent characteristic in this direction is an introverted obsession with women. I say introverted because often I meet women that I want, but although filled with desire I often let the opportunity pass without taking action. Maybe the fact that I’m obsessed makes me a candidate for success.

It occurs to me that “being obsessed” is actually very important. I realize that my goals are backed by sincere desire, but the fact is that I am floundering in their pursuit. I want very much to feel control over my life, to be quick and confident in decision-making, and to be successful. I’ve had my successes, but not nearly enough of them. At times I feel exasperated as my dreams elude me, but this sort of frustration is just plain unproductive.

I spend a considerable number of hours writing about the day’s events in my diary. I believe that now my time would be better spent writing in this journal. If I have a any reasonable chance of discovering how to unleash my potential, I believe I will have to apply myself wholeheartedly. I will probably have to work harder on this study than I have ever on one particular problem. If I spent one hour every day, I think at the end of one month or five weeks, that I will have made some headway. By that time, I think that I would have at least defined the problem—enough so, anyway, that I can take the positive step of reducing the problem into sub-problems that make up the whole. As I write, I get a feeling like I am attacking a mathematical problem on a fairly colossal order. I feel a real need to perceive the likeness of the “monster” which I am to subdue—the “monster” that follows all of us: the natural laws that determine the results of our efforts. In lieu of understanding them, we are simply at their mercy. In the event of their mastery, we can use them towards our own purposes.

I need to have a regimen in order to force myself to concentrate on one problem at a time. One of my weaknesses in this regard is that I get side-tracked by daily activities or I “don’t feel like thinking about it” on a given day. Thus, the first practical problem is how to motivate myself to concentrate my attention long enough to solve the problem. But for now, I simply want to motivate myself long enough to do to realize, or define, the “problem.” I sincerely believe that to progress I must sacrifice my time. I also believe that sacrifice of this type can be extremely rewarding, which is why I am doing it. I now ask myself to devote the first waking hour of the day to writing out my ideas of discovering how to unleash my potential for the next thirty-five days. If I can’t do it in the first waking hour, then I should do it at some other time during the day. In any event, I should write about one page a day, though less will be acceptable if the content is strong. I also add that any effort above this will be welcomed

I don’t think that it is necessary to consult other’s opinions during this thirty-five day period.

Notes:

1. What are my potentials?
2. How do I develop them?

The proof of the pudding will be in the eating: my solutions should be demonstrated by the noticeable increase in my achievements.

Definition: Achievements = ability to put my thought into action.

A cursory examination of my thought processes reveals that as my day passes, my mental energy is drained by menial needs, tasks and chores. For example, I wake up, I want coffee, breakfast. I begin a conversation with a girl, and I think of ways to woo her—I devise a plan, but it falls through—so my attention turns to ‘what am I going to do today?’ I need to go to the bank at 10 a.m. Will I go on today to another village or remain here? What shall I do about the sweat pants I ripped? There are other simple things to think about for the day’s activities: getting a pair of socks, etc. And, while I consider these things, in the back of my mind a broad, vague scheme of where I will go in the next six months is developing.

I wrote down this example, because, though my thoughts are practical, my energy seems scattered. On one hand, I am a victim of whatever event may pop up during the day that may capture my attention and use up my time. On the other hand, the things that my mind is concentrating on seem vague, and their accomplishment seems rather haphazard. I would like to present the way I would like my day to go, but I don’t know how realistic a picture I could paint. Perhaps the environment I happen to be in will not be conducive to my desires.

I will paint the perfect picture of tomorrow, even if it is hopelessly unrealistic:

Imagined: I visit Lucia and Jay (two sort of spacey women traveling together here in the Solu Khumbu). We engage in a conversation where they reveal the origin of their zany philosophy. After one hour, the three of us make love. I bid the ladies a good day. I return to my lodge. The Nepali woman is there. We have a coffee. We go downstairs. Then we make love. She promises to fly to Katmandu to meet me. I pack my things. (I throw away my wet sweat pants.) I take a quick walk to a store and buy a book bag at a low price. I leave at one p.m., and go to Jorsalle, have lunch, make it to Lukla. Greg and Al are there. We get drunk. One of the Nepali women there appeals to me. I see her in a dark corridor. I grab her and passionately touch her and kiss her. She leads me to a room where we make love. I fall asleep.

14 November, 1983

Ghat

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Morning: This is the way the day actually went. (This is pretty funnyJ.) Lucia & Jay showed up at the bank. I said: “Two minds soaring like cosmic birds.” Lucia said: “Lucia and Jay!” They loved it, but it was the last I saw of them. I went back to the hotel. The Nepali girl, Dilmaya, was there. We walked to the Everest Observatory. It was fun. Later, she went shopping with me. I bought a cheap bag and I paid three times what I should have for the socks. In the evening I went out from the hotel, angry, with all my stuff. Later, I returned. She was in her room. I put my stuff in my room. She was in the hallway when I came out. I tried to put my arm around her but she rejected my advance and said, “Let’s go upstairs.” I said, “Wait.” She said, “Just a minute.” Then, she sent down about ten people. I felt like a vigilante. They said there was no room in the hotel (and that I’d have to leave). I considered taking a night walk. I went to sleep in the dorm at Sherpa Trekkers Lodge.

Needless to say, the difference between my ‘ideal’ day and my actual day were astounding. In fact, I almost feel so embarrassed by such a hopeless effort that I don’t know where to begin today’s entry. I will re-read the book’s first entry.

Summary: I want to devise goals and a systemized plan to obtain them. I believe that by doing so I can better my existence and maximize my enjoyment of life. In essence, the focal point of my effort is maximizing my enjoyment, unless I can find a worthier cause. Central to my plan is the creation of a vehicle, a method, to dramatically unleash my potentials.

Discussion:

BOREDOM vs. EXCITEMENT <¹> CONTENTMENT vs. STRUGGLE

The above four words signify a paradox that I detect in my ambitions. If personal happiness is my ultimate goal, then what is the necessity for amassing worldly goods and status? I think that, in the long run, happiness comes from within, from the realization of all the good, the fantastic and germaine that abound without your senses. To be happy, I think, all I need to do is open my senses and allow an appreciation of the wonders of life to fill me.

This diagram illustrates what I’m trying to say. A life of acceptance may yield personal happiness at its best, and boredom at its worst. A life of ambition could yield excitement, but the struggling may be a drag. The paradox that I see is this: I can devise goals and struggle to obtain them, but I don’t necessarily hold that this style will yield happiness. On the other hand, I could totally ignore my ambitions and strictly do what is the most enjoyable thing—this style might yield more true happiness. In short, are goals and ambitions (and their pursuit) happiness-yielding or happiness-destroying, or happiness and goals unrelated??

I can also offer the word Vitalness as the superior of Happiness (though I can’t say it’s so)! If Vitalness is my choice, then maybe (probably?) having ambitions is the force that is the deliverer of the style I want.

Could I vote for this to be the zenith of existence?? That is, to have both contentment and excitement—to have happiness and vitalness.

I feel aware of my Desire, and I feel aware of the discussion about Happiness vs. Struggling (and Vitalness). It seems that I can have both. If I have really found what happiness is, opening up the perceptory gates and letting the beauty of life flow in, then I already have that! It seems that I am free to pursue ambition, so long as it doesn’t interfere with my perception of happiness. I believe the choice is mine.

Now, I feel somewhat sarcastic about my “perception of happiness!” I fear it’s nonsense! Either that, or life is simply made of more than happiness. It is a good feeling to be a champion. I want more than complacency! Am I a fool for such an attitude? I could easily envision a life of pushing myself to my limit. This life is certain, the one time that I’m sure I’m here, that is, that I exist on this planet! I want to make the best of this life, to pursue my dreams with abandon.

At the least, I want to believe in something pleasant—something that makes me feel good—or better yet, great! I would rather believe that I was the world’s greatest lover than to believe I was ineffective with women, for example. What’s the percentage in believing something self-degrading? Why not be self-elevating? There are an unlimited number of realms of belief—why must I be bound to the common plane!!! If I could devise a system to install beliefs—unshakable beliefs— in myself—Wow! What a power tool that would be!! But here’s the catch—there’s got to be something behind that belief!! (That is, simply believing in something with no basis is at best unlikely to be ineffective, and at worst, pure foolery.) Nevertheless, I can think of the following example where belief itself is central to outcome: any time one’s belief that success is imminent causes one to try, where, in the absence of belief, one would not attempt the act, but the talent is there, and one tries and succeeds! Happy circumstance! Thus, I realize that one answer is to Discover the Hidden Potentials In Oneself—the talents that, applied to reality, would yield greater than average success, or to happy, positive or even extraordinary results.

Also, germaine to this discussion is the experiment that I devised comparing what I wanted yesterday and what I got! It made me realize that the situation (environment) has got to be appropriate for the desired outcome. You can say something will happen, and you can even try to make it happen, but if in a given the situation, the odds are very much against you, your success is very unlikely.

What are the imbalances?   Perhaps, one way of expressing my thought is to say that if I could discover imbalance in the environment relative to myself and my talents, then I might be able to act and receive greater than average results, or even extraordinary results. In essence, this is a leveraging of circumstances.

What I am looking for is specifically howI can do something extraordinary. So, I am trying to think of what specific situations I might find myself in where I could or would excel. Perhaps, I mean half ‘what situations are there in which I would excel’ and half ‘what qualities do I have which would allow me to excel in a given situation?’ For example, one could almost predict, given my scholastic record, that I would excel in school, and that I would easily finish the program I set out to complete. Likewise, there must be other activities that I would do well in. What I am seeking are particular activities or environments in which I could be extraordinary or even unique or great!! This is important, and it may take considerable thought! For example, if I set out to walk across Nepal, I would probably succeed—partially, this is because I have good stamina, physical strength and determination—it is also partially because the act itself is not tremendously difficult; nevertheless, this would be somewhat an extraordinary, or at least unusual, feat.

There must be countless ways in which I could make my mark on the world. I suppose, if I thought of it, I could even figure out situations in which I could excel in a given field or activity, perhaps even if that area wasn’t one of my strong points. I should bear in mind that I can learn things. My ability to learn may be a major factor in my future. Also, time is important. How fast can I learn the thing and how much time do I have to devote to it? What is my aptitude in the subject?

I’ve been also considering listing my weak points in order to ascertain i) where I may need improvement in order to achieve a given end and ii) what might prevent me from reaching a goal. What made me think of that was that I flashed on “the things I could do if I had the money”; this is one of my (and most people’s) weak points!

16 November, 1983

Monzo (the Japanese Place)

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary of what I’ve written so far:

1. I want to devise goals.
2. I want to devise a unique system to reach the goals.
3. Because belief is central to achievement, I have begun a rigorous study of the purpose of my goals and the soundness of my endeavor.
4. The considerations are many: what is best for me, what is a sound belief system, what do I really want, analysis of the past, will goals create frustration, how does one achieve happiness, what is happiness, what is a realistic assessment of my powers and potentials, etc?

Discussion: This project is overwhelming my faculties! This is hard for me, but I think it’s good.

1. Requirements: What is it that I require of myself? This should be clear.
2. A thought: Most people would say: Don’t get hung up on this subject too much!
3. I don’t expect an answer overnight.
4. I ache inside for something more, for the answers to pull it together and begin. I have often considered that the ‘answer’ for me as to how to spend my life is to devote myself to one end. This has scared me, because:
   1. I think of all the other things I’d be giving up, and
   2. What if I wasn’t ultimately successful?

I consider the logistics! The one thing that I want to offer is Music. The things I want to take are Love, Adventure, Money and Success (that is, happiness/vitalness). The answer could be this simple:

By concentrating all my efforts, for example, to be the greatest songwriter in history, and only this, I might in effect succeed to a great enough degree that I would enjoy the following benefits:

1. money—I would be compelled to deal with financial considerations
2. women—naturally would be attracted to me
3. success—I would be proud, my life would be vital
4. adventure—I would have the means to travel as I pleased.

There are two other considerations on this important point:

(i)   on adventure—my main stimulus in this regard is to be well-traveled and to enjoy the best the world has to offer; also, to have excitement. These “hobbies” would not interfere or be conflicting with my song writing occupation. Having enough money would be conducive to organizing expeditions, etc.

(ii) on success, specifically, Happiness—I don’t know if the songwriting endeavor would yield happiness or not, but my feelings are that it would yield sufficient satisfaction and positive creative release—and these make me feel happy.

I feel more positively strong about this suggestion than I do about anything written so far in this book. However, along with this flash of inspiration come many other

considerations. These questions I expect must be answered. I well-believe that whatever practical solution I come up with, it will cause other problems—it won’t be perfect. Nevertheless, I want it to be the best solution I’m capable of finding.

Closing: I feel satisfied with tonight’s discussion. At least, I made an attempt at trying to state a concrete objective. It pleases me to feel fired up so much by a long-standing goal (that is, to be a songwriter). I still cherish it. I note that when I wrote down the thoughts on music, I afterwards felt a rush of thoughts supporting such a decision. For example, I considered how full my life would be—getting stimuli from daily living.   I considered how great it would be to have a strong central point in my life.

I feel I owe it to myself to be strict and challenge the idea of devoting my life to music. This line of reasoning brings on recollections of ways I felt during times when I was songwriting—the thrill of writing, but the despondency over the lack of success and insecurity over how good the products actually were.

Notes:

Why would I devote my life to this objective? — Because I love it! and because it fits well with my overall objectives.

What alternative solutions can I come up with? How would a life totally devoted to finance or adventure, or love, or philosophy look?? Or to some area of endeavor I’ve not yet thought of?

17 November, 1983

Namche Bazar

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Thought:

9:00 a.m.

Summary: Ditto yesterday’s summary with this addition.

So far, I have suggested two forms of goals, seemingly on opposite ends of the spectrum. One form is to have only one goal, one consuming focus to my life. The other form is to have a “huge tally board” in which all sorts of minor and major goals are listed, a list that would change as goals are achieved. I suggested being a songwriter as a possible central goal in my life.

Discussion: I think it is also an important personal characteristic that I can get bored with things rapidly, and I need change. I seek the thrill of newness. On one hand, Iwonder if would be able to devote my life to only one thing. Perhaps it is wise for me to have the variety of interests that I do, so that I can turn my attention from one to the other as the interest in one wanes and my interest grows for another. On one hand, this tendency to change can be considered an asset and, on the other hand, a liability. If I can’t stay with something long enough to reach a desired level of proficiency, then this trait becomes a liability.

I’ve drawn the diagram about Sacrifice/Reward. It might be helpful to me to consider how much I am willing to sacrifice in order to get something. I divided sacrifice up into two parts: I might label them Replaceable and Irreplaceable. 

I could even assess my alternatives in terms of dollars, time and other categories of sacrifice or expense to reach a goal. Alas, though, the world would be too bland (would it?) a place if all ends were so readily predictable.

This paradox is scary: if I choose a goal like “to be a great songwriter,” it seems so open-ended, so hard to define in concrete terms, so difficult to measure progress, and it seems very hard to know what steps to take to achieve that end. In short, there seems no security in that goal; that is to say, I may apply a lot of effort in that direction, and still come up short. Conversely, when attempting a college degree, I knew exactly what was required of me. If I simply completed certain requirements, I would “succeed.”

Evening:

1. Right now, I feel inspired, centrally because I am planning on climbing Island Peak. I am pushing myself to my limit. I am planning on going over 20,000 ft. I feel thrilled. Could it be central to one’s vitalness to strive? Is the thrill a result of this? Or is it simply the change, i.e., doing something different!?!
2. “You don’t lose anything by being humble,” said the manager at Biman Airways’ central office in Dhaka. Today I have been very considerate, putting things very mildly to people. I suspect that I will get further in life being super-polite. I’m not losing anything by it.
3. When you’re happy with yourself, that’s what counts.

The example of a college degree is rather cut and dry, but certainly, given a set of endeavors, there are differing degrees of certainty as to requirements to reach that end. To get a particular job, one may have to meet the educational requirements and fill out an application and throw in a little luck and a successful interview. The outcome might be reasonably certain, but to get a job, there seems to be a particular amount of chance, largely via competition.

18 November, 1983

Namche Bazar

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary: I want to form a direction for my future to optimize the use of my time. I am considering forming from one to many goals/objectives to define this direction. Related to this end, I’ve discussed issues such as Happiness/Vitalness, Sacrifice/Reward, One Goal/Various Goals, my desire to develop a system to drastically unleash my potentials, how to gain personal momentum, my desire to be a songwriter, my wishes for wealth, adventure, love and success, my desire to synthesize a philosophy that I can put all my belief in, my need to share experiences with others, my need for change, newness, thrills, replaceable vs. irreplaceable sacrifices, seeking the imbalances in the environment vs. my skills and strong points, excitement vs. contentment, ambition vs. acceptance, the need to develop a plan, the need to enjoy my life as a focus vs. the need to spend my life in the most worthwhile fashion, “secure” goals vs. “insecure” goals, the need to strive, and the possibility of assessing sacrifice/reward in concrete terms!

Discussion: I’ve mentioned that considering the environment is perhaps as important as developing my skills. If I want to stand out, I must do so in comparison to others. I’ve considered, too, the company I keep. That is, if I spend time with people who are adept in a particular area, I can learn from them and emulate their success.

I think that I’ve covered a lot of relevant ideas. However, this project seems to be expanding, and I’m wondering if I’ll be able to pull it all together. Nevertheless, I’m happy that I am being so thorough.

Evening, a few thoughts:

1. Today when I was writing the summary that it’s not such a conflicting world, this vs. that. Tonight when I read this, I felt that I could also read it “excitement and contentment,” “vitalness and happiness,” etc. I can have both.
2. I feel dissatisfied with my social status. I meet people, but the relationships seem unfulfilling, particularly with women up here in the mountains of Nepal. It makes me feel weird that I try to be friendly, but they act occupied. I try to discuss the things on my mind, but they seem disinterested. I feel I am worthy, but I can’t prove it to myself. I guess I appear ordinary, and sometimes I even feel ordinary, and this is scary. But I realize I can’t expect people to be amazed by me if I am not amazing. I can’t expect women to flock to me unless I am attractive and unique. Maybe I should ask myself “why do women want to sleep with particular men?” and find an answer and apply this knowledge. It is because of this desire to be the center of attention that I seek to be unique, that I seek to make my mark on the world. Perhaps this attitude is immature. Again, maybe it comes back to what I’ve written earlier: When you’re happy with yourself, that is what counts. But I can’t feel happy with myself when I can’t even satisfy simple needs like female companionship.
   I’ve want to be different, but how I am supposed to achieve that, I don’t know. Maybe I should distance myself from people who won’t satisfy my social needs. Idea: I have this flash of thought that I cause my own problems with women, but that I haven’t analyzed my behavior enough to see clearly what happens. It is like I put myself in the wrong positions, like a stupid chess player. Lord, I sometimes must be dumb!! I sense that I do or say something much less than optimal but I am so accustomed to particular behaviors, strategies and responses that perhaps I go in and out of encounters without learning anything and therefore without understanding where I am going wrong.
   I will give this a short example. Down in a restaurant, some trekkers and I were talking about Island Peak. The conversation seemed to invoke some interest from the people around us. I noticed a girl, Judith, seemed to be trying to catch my eye. Finally, I began talking to her. When I said I was going to take a night walk to Tengboche, she said, “Let’s go!” I said I wasn’t yet ready, but if, in a few hours, I was ready, we could go. Later, she said she’d changed her mind because the clouds came over. Still later, she seemed almost annoyed by me trying to talk with her; but when a male friend of hers tried to talk, she seemed receptive. What caused this change in behavior? Was it because I didn’t wholeheartedly agree with her theory on the Yeti? Could she sense that I’d take the first opportunity to get close to her, and did this frighten her off? Did she sense my interest and make an effort to discourage me because she wasn’t attracted? Is it relevant that it was when I’d gotten up to look at some boots across the way that I’d asked her where she’d be later—because we might take a night walk—that it came out that she’d changed her mind about the night walk? Where can I summon up the power to answer these questions and overcome my lack of understanding?
3. Writing takes a long time and is seldom complete! Ii feel I’ll never have time to resolve the countless issues that bother me! I must find a quicker route, a way to bypass the routine problems, a warp, a lock-in to a higher plane!!! The Route!

19 November, 1983

Tengboche Monastery

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I want to form a direction to my life. I am discussing all the seemingly relevant issues involved in this decision prior to forming objectives and goals. Many of these issues are listed in the summary of 18 November, 1983.

Discussion: I have seemingly reached a point of desperation in these writings. I have been successful in pointing out several important issues, but the more I discuss what I need, the more I become aware of how distant is my ideal life. Since my dreams have been formed (ten years ago), it has not been easy to ignore their presence. I can’t go back and wish for less, can I? Once I set the dream in motion of having a billion dollars, and being the greatest entertainer, lover, financier in history and a great adventurer to boot, can I lower my objectives to living an ordinary life? I don’t think so! These dreams follow me. And yet, I can’t seem to muster the power I need to fulfill them. I suppose that I could substantially lower my goals, but I think their essence must be maintained. In fact, this would seem to be in line with my thought to reconstruct my goals and then break them into sub-goals. These sub-goals would constitute a first stage of more easily obtainable goals.

Perhaps when I speak of a vehicle to bring me to my ideal state, I should bear in mind that the strength of whatever system I employ should be matched with the magnitude of my ends. Thus, I should decide the ends first and then consider the means I will need and the steps I will have to take. I think it is long overdue for me to reconstruct my former goals, no matter how far-fetched they may have been.

A few quick thoughts:

1.  A way to heighten my experiences is to keep trying to use my senses to their fullest: Sight, Hearing, Taste, Touch, Smell, Thought.
2. I was thinking that perhaps I should begin using this notebook for handling daily problems. I’ve got a pretty good idea where I want to go. It would help to discuss the types of problems that are on my mind each day.

Note: Concentration is genius. I must master concentration.

20 November, 1983

Tengboche Monastery

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary: In my search for new objectives, I have made a cursory and partial reconstruction of the essence of my old goals. (Note: they are not listed here.) Many of the issues I’ve discussed are summarized in the 18 November, 1983 entry. Twice I have mentioned creating high goals and then creating sub-goals, which would be first steps in completing the major goal each sub-goal represents. The search for objectives has taken on a greater significance as a search for a better life.

Discussion:

Ego Debts

Yesterday, as I was walking along, I flashed on this: creating high goals for oneself is like creating ego debts. It’s sort of like borrowing money. When a person borrows money, they might do so in an effort to make more money, hopefully enough to repay the debt and then some. The same is true with creating goals. These ego debts place a responsibility or pressure on the goal-maker to realize the objective. As you place your thoughts energies in the chosen direction, you’re satisfying the “debts” that you’ve created.

Evening: I’m going crazy over this project. Thinking about it is making me think of how much I’ve missed my mark—i.e., my old goals. Further, I feel like I have slipped from my former momentum! As I’m feeling like my old system was ineffective, I feel as if I have no place magical to turn. I want the fantastic.

These last few days I’ve had ideas that I haven’t implemented for one reason or another, like, ‘I should walk ten hours a day,’ ‘I should write one song a day’, and ‘I should never sleep in a lodge, but outside.’ These ideas would make my time more intense, increasing the vitalness of my existence.

I can see the usefulness of planning. I want to try something for the next three days. At night, before my sleep, I want to plan out the next day, and I want to assess after this three-day period if this planning has been helpful or not. I should spend at least ten minutes each evening to think out my moves for the next day.

Night Reflections:

Plan the fantastic—Escaping Practical Considerations

I need to plan the fantastic in order to feel the thrill of vitalness. But it seems I keep putting practical considerations in my way. Practical considerations must be obliterated! They must give way as clouds before the intense sun of my greater ambitions!! The point is that I must maintain a ‘fantastic energy’, thus keeping safely a safe distance from mediocrity and feelings of stagnation. Practical considerations must take second priority to fantastic considerations! How else can I break the vicious circle of practical consideration upon practical consideration! I find myself waiting for things to happen. Time is slipping through my fingers like liquid gold. Time is my most important asset.

Plan the fantastic, which means to never wait. What I mean is that it is important to differentiate between the ordinary and the extraordinary. On one hand, I have my daily chores for which I must plan, but if I never look beyond the necessities of today, I will never ascend to my dreams. I need to plan my visions and I must not delay.

Why, I’m just like everyone else; how can I expect special treatment? I sit here and wonder…. How can I implement these philosophies? The answer is simple…. Do!

21 November, 1983

Tengboche Monastery

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary: I think a lot was said in the previous page. It was a lashing out at all the rhetoric that has filled these pages. The punctuation of that paragraph was my night climb twice as high on the ridge above Tengboche as the prayer-flag marker—thousands of feet in the moonlight.

Discussion:

Freeing Oneself From the Perceptions of One’s Past

Many years ago I read a book that discussed how central a role conditioning based on past experiences plays in a person’s life. The idea was that as we go through life, we have experiences, good and bad, and that these images stay with us, either reinforcing positive or negative behavior and/or outlook. A person may avoid trying something if they have tried before and failed.

I have to consider that, while I aspire to achieve far beyond anything that I have achieved to date, I have no personal experiences at that level to draw from. Not only that, but based upon the diversity and scope of my ambitions, I have no real role model to follow.

I think I must look at the world every day in a new and fresh way and open my perceptions to the world as it really is, with all its potentials, rather than simply rely on perceptions I formed in the past. [Later note: A great German-born American photographer, Ruth Bernhard, said to me over a decade later that I should go out in the world every day as if a child seeing it for the first time.]

In this context, I now consider “freeing myself from past conceptions about my abilities.” This concept has tangible power in a situation where one’s self-assessment based on experience falls short of one’s actual powers. If I view myself on the basis of past achievements, I may stop short of what I am capable of.

This ties in with U That’s(an elderly gentleman I met in Rangoon earlier this year) dissertation on Buddhist philosophy: that we are never, that we are in a constant state of change, which renders us a new being every moment. “Freeing myself from my past perceptions” incorporates this belief. Also, it reminds me of financial equilibrium: that prices are the summation of the market’s consensus of value. The concept of “Now,” i.e., the reality of the present, is the summation of the entire past, reaction upon reaction. The past doesn’t exist; only the present exists. The past lives only so much as it is able to in the present. The end-product of what Has Been is Now.

A Feeling of Wonder

As I consider these things, I get a feeling of wonder, as if I have hit upon something big. The practical implications of the idea of feeing myself from the burdens of past perceptions may help me. But I am concerned with counter-arguments such as: how can you free yourself from the past if the present is a summation of past events? Such an argument misses the point, however. Only the present exists, and, in contemplation of one’s next step, the world is wide-open and waiting for the new entity (you) to act. The salient features of the idea of freeing oneself from a self-image that may be limiting are:

1. it frees the mind from a common misconception that the past lives, allowing a person to think in terms of ‘now’, and
2. it relegates the importance of the past to its proper station behind the almighty present.

22 November, 1983

Tengboche Monastery (and to Namche Bazar and back)

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary:  Yesterday’s writing was very interesting. I felt inspired by the thought of “freeing myself from past perceptions (i.e., perceived limitations).”

In an effort to set the course for my life, yesterday’s thoughts seemed to offer an alternative to mere goal-setting. There was a hint that there is one best way to go about things, one optimal style. Having a “style” that rules one’s actions would not contradict the pursuit of goals, but, instead, I believe, it would accelerate their obtainment. In part, it would be the fulfillment of my dream of creating a philosophy to carry me forward. Back on November 1, I drew a diagram depicting philosophy as the well-spring of the future.

I think there is some common sense to placing one’s philosophy at the foundation of one’s pursuits, because I believe that a person’s attitude and approach to life and beliefs make a great difference in what they experience. Specifically the philosophy I seek would search for “A NEW PERCEPTION”—that is, a new way of looking at the world. Last night I felt as if I saw through a new portal into a new dimension, perceiving reality on a higher plane than I had heretofore experienced.

Truth would be the basis for the philosophy. Or would it? Would truth be the basis for Greek philosophy? Could I shatter that? Could I take the next step? Is there something more essential than “truth?” Can ends be met by believing specific untruths, by, for example, by viewing life as through a filter? A horse’s blinders keep it on the desired road (though the desire may be his master’s). Maybe there is nothing more essential than truth.

In summary, have I perceived, or can I perceive, some new realization about the human make-up that can lead me to the ends that I set for myself?

Discussion:

A New Universe   I feel like I caught a glimpse of a new universe, as if I looked momentarily through an opening. Now I am backtracking in an effort to find it again so I can stare it full in the face and, possibly, enter it. I really feel that from these days forward, I am going to change. I can feel it happening. I think this is what I want—to change at a faster rate, and to direct that change towards positive ends. I suppose that all this writing about myself is having some effects.

Warps                I sense I have too “normal” a momentum. If I can increase my momentum, I seek two positive results: 1) to be able to consummate more good ideas, 2) to create, in effect, warps, i.e., bypassing lesser pursuits in favor of greater, more sublime, more worthy ones. Learning how to create such “warps” seems like a goal in itself.

I am convinced that constant planning and analyzing may help me differentiate the things that are necessary from those which can be bypassed. It is not foolish to apply effort in a given direction when a different direction would yield more desirable results?

Questions:

If all I need do is to unleash that power inside me, resulting in elevated experiences…how do I unleash my inner drives?

How do I prepare?   Is all I have to do just to follow my will and to support it with the devotion of my mind, body and soul…?

Is there a need to train myself to optimize efforts…?

If I find myself wasting energy with menial efforts…can I lift myself up and head in a more desirable direction by acting on inspiration?

Note: I think that help from others and working together are essential to most great endeavors.

23 November, 1983

Tengboche Monastery

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary: I think the “world” that I “saw” and that I want to explore is simply the world of my own potential. It is a world that I know so little of. I should try time after time to answer to the call of my potentials; they are yearning to get out.

Discussion: There is a need to fit my ideas into the realm of reality. Ideas that do not follow the laws of the environment can’t work. Successful ideas actually even change the environment itself, but they do so along avenues of possibility. I hope to discover the intuition or power to have a sixth sense about how to employ what ideas. Perhaps writing out my ideas time after time and analyzing them, then putting them into action and studying the outcome will develop this talent. I emphasize the importance of developing a sense of the practicality of ideas without unnecessarily limiting them. Sometimes there is great advantage in making a decision and acting before the moment is gone.

I note that although the specific purpose of these writings is to make cohesive objectives, I feel it’s smart to analyze questions concerning my former objectives. I have had many unfulfilled dreams. Rather than make a new set of dreams that will also end up unfulfilled, isn’t it desirable to discover the reasons why my former objectives weren’t met?

I think one of the ways I went wrong before was to neglect the constraints of environmental conditions. I would visualize the way I wanted things to be but without analyzing the way in which they could be achieved. I was left without a specific sequence of action steps that would sensibly lead to the desired result. Sometimes I would succeed, but I dare say those successes were often arrived at in a hit-and-miss style. I saw the goal and I shot for it, but maybe I would have had a higher success rate if I had thought it out, analyzed what to do, and analyzed my failures and success.

Closing: I feel a strategy of focusing on and planning for the future is sensible. I should eliminate dwelling on the past. The past exists in the present, and an assessment of the present incorporates an assessment of the past. I should take stock of tools I have to work with.

Later, at dusk: Today in my talk with Judith, I felt that many of my ideas of late were supported.

1. thought that you must support the impulses your mind gives you by acting on them, even if you are unsure of success, as long as they are in the right direction and an honest attempt. The reasoning goes: that by acting on intuitions and thoughts, you create a cycle of thought/action ® thought/action, which builds personal momentum. Momentum is power. Power is needed to effect any end. Thus, we wish to create as much power as is appropriate to the tasks at hand. Even if we are failing at first, I believe that the mind will correct itself relative to reality. Later, new ideas will arise. Through practice, the mind will be better suited to know what will yield success. Also, it will have momentum to carry through on the ideas. We now have a double success a) correct ideas and b) sufficient energy and momentum to carry them through to achievement. Surely, this means Success.
2. As an output of the conversation, and of my thoughts of late, I feel that what I have been trying to say is that Style is my first end. I want my style to be such that I enjoy every day of my life. In other words, I can have goals and objectives to pursue, but the way that I pursue them is most important. To me, to live each moment to its fullest is the vital thing to do. The vital way is the way to happiness.

In summary, Style is the way I go through life’s path. This is so much as to say: how much fun I’m having getting where I’m going is really more important than getting there! Perhaps fun is the wrong word. Maybe it should be…. wait a second… I don’t know… if in the pursuit of my goals, I can have an enjoyable time this is good. But I must balance this against the vitalness of obtaining them. The pursuit is vital… the accomplishment is happiness… the pursuit can also be happiness. Style dictates how well one will meet up with life.

What have I learned? I seek to define and develop my Style. I seek to define my Ultimate Goal. My Style will carry me there. My Style should be one that allows me to live each moment to its fullest (to provide vitalness) and to enjoy each moment to its fullest (to provide happiness).

My ultimate destination should be one that accommodates the chosen Style. That is, is it possible to have such a Style and achieve such an end? The thought of the ultimate destination should make me happy and my goals along the way should require my vitality. Does this mean Style has priority?

For right now, these seem to be the Requirements of my endeavor. Since understanding what is required is critical, arriving at this understanding makes me happy.

The question of style makes me wonder if total optimism might possibly be a sensible tact.(Note: In a corporate statement of a company’s mission, style is expressed. For example, “We will be an ecologically conscionable corporation.”) Conscious development of style is perhaps sensible and totally logical.

Questions:

Does realism conflict with optimism? Is it superior?

Is strategy part of Style, is style part of strategy? It seems style is part of strategy. [Note: Later, I concluded the opposite.]

Does my style include to always act on my positive impulses? To disregard the past? To plan the future

Notes:

I was theorizing that:

1. to be a great mountain climber you’ve got to put yourself on the line,
2. to be a great social man, you also must put yourself on the line socially. If you want to gain deep respect, you must not be timid, but put forth your instincts boldly…. or is that true? What exactly do I mean? I’m merely saying…take as many chances as you can possibly afford.

Mixing Goals

Another very salient point—this has to do with doing more than one thing at a time. I think it really changes the situation. A recent illustration: on November 17^th, I got to Namche Bazar and wanted to climb Island Peak. Though climbing Island Peak was a main goal, seeing the Mani Rimdu festival at Tengboche was a sub-goal. Island Peak was put off for another three days. Then, because of the festival preventing me from being in Namche to leave with the porter, another day’s delay came about when he didn’t show. Today, I was planning on leaving, but it was more important to talk with Judith in the sun, causing another day’s delay. Now, the point is not that its “bad” to have these delays. All five days were rich with experiences. The point is simply this: when you allow other considerations to take up temporary priority over a main objective, delays must be expected. When you mix goals, more time is necessary to complete the main objective. Thus, I should consider this when setting objectives. (I could take the iron approach and forcibly eliminate all other considerations when attempting a goal.)

Goals could be considered those activities that require measurable effort and resources—conversely, activities not fitting under this definition could be termed Style activities. My ultimate goal* would have to be compatible with my style. My ultimate goal might be to be a pop singer, but my style might characterize me as a lover, adventurer, and financier. The well-spring of the energy needed to be a pop singer would be (i.e., would stem from) my philosophy. My philosophy (incorporating my innate momentums) would determine my objectives and style. My strategies would be a result of my Style** (which, as stated, would stem from my philosophy.)

I mark today’s ideas as important and something that, although obvious, has taken me a long time to come to grips with. These ideas may ultimately help me to make specific decisions for the future.

(*Note: “Ultimate goal” could signify a set of objectives.)

**(whereas before I’ve stated the opposite)

24 November, 1983

Chukkung

Solu Khumbu Region

Nepal

Summary: Wow!! Upon reviewing what I’ve just written, I am amazed at the substance of went through my mind in one day. I think I was inspired. I will try to summarize my thoughts.

1. I should (a) analyze past failures and (b) in the future when I plan, I should analyze what to do to reach a goal, try it, and analyze the feedback.
2. If an impulse is in a desired direction and it is an honest attempt, I should act on it. Even if my first attempt to do something fails, my mind will assimilate the reasons for failure, and I will know better how to continue thereafter. This will cause positive momentum and correct knowledge.
3. That to develop my Style is my first end, and my style should allow me to enjoy each moment of my life to its fullest. My style should be such to free my mind from the past and anxiety about the future so that I can deal with and enjoy the present.
4. The pursuit and attainment of my ultimate goal should provide happiness and vitality in my life.
5. I should take as many chances as I possibly can afford.
6. When I allow other considerations to take up temporary priority over a main objective, delays must be expected.
7. I considered the possibility of setting one ultimate goal, and having my other interests considered as part of my style.
8. (To settle a contradiction in yesterday’s writing:) My strategies would be dependent on my style—style is foremost. However, my style is in itself a strategy for approaching life and reaching my ultimate goal. Furthermore, my philosophy (which I am developing in these pages) would determine both strategy and style. My philosophy would, should and hopefully willbe the organizer of strategy and style.

Discussion:

1. I am developing a treatise on the best way to approach my life. I am developing many separate points through logical analysis; these may later be put together to develop more sophisticated points. They will ultimately form a cohesive network of ideas which may lead to a result in which I can place confidence.
2. The concept of freedom of mind, body, and soul flashed into my mind during a conversation—I considered: where does freedom fit into this network of ideas? It seems that my concepts are aimed at providing total freedom of mind with regard to the present.
3. Last night I planned a walk with Judith to Chukkung, which, in effect, came off perfectly. Again, for the third night, tonight I will also plan before sleep for ten minutes.
4. I should try planning and making each plan come true. As I develop this talent, I can plan for more and more spectacular days.

25 November, 1983

Island Peak Base Camp

Solu Khumbu Region, Nepal

Summary: If I was amazed at what I’d written two days ago, the summary of it yesterday leaves me feeling that it is a lot of words that are meaningless unless something is done with them. Develop Style, analyze, follow positive impulses, decide on an ultimate goal, develop strategies considering the time factor, promote freedom of the mind, take all good chances, plan.

Discussion: My style is to love women, to think in broad terms, to see new places whenever the time is right, to dabble in the world of finance (i.e., Love, Philosophy, Adventure and Finance*). I can’t seem to let go of these interests. However, I want to analyze, over a period of time, if, perhaps, there are other strong sides to my nature that I haven’t defined or noticed. Also, I would like to explore each of these venues on paper, analyzing their different aspects with respect to my life. I would also like to create scenarios on paper of other Styles that I’ve not yet before considered seriously—to open my mind and broaden my possibilities. Because I’ve discussed so many issues that seem relevant, I was thinking that I should make a grand overview of any topic potentially relevant to my life, with a corresponding analysis of whether it fits in or not.

Note: I notice that getting to the top of Island Peak as a goal is strengthening. It’s nice to have a goal to concentrate on.

*Note: The concept discussed as Finance in this journal I later generalized under the heading “Economy.”

26 November, 1983

Island Peak High Camp, about 18,000 feet

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I expressed my doubts as to the relevance or usefulness of my conclusions. My Style would include being a lover, adventurer, philosopher and financier. I expressed having strong feelings towards all these pursuits. I thought about considering a large number of ideas that would perhaps be compatible pursuits or even more worthwhile pursuits than the few listed above. (This would be something that I would take my time with, something that would probably occupy another journal or two.)

Discussion: I think that these Style activities suit me. They are things that I enjoy thinking about and doing, and they are all worthwhile pursuits. I suppose that I shouldn’t deny myself these joys. As I write this, I also consider other pleasures I could pursue: I love to eat fine foods, to enjoy watching great performances, and surely many other things.

I’ve recently been pursuing Island Peak as a goal; however, in the process, I’ve gotten uptight a few times (really it seems for the first time in a couple of months). For example, I’ve been rushing my Sherpa to hurry, and I’ve been trying to force my ideas to a group of people on the justification that I am paying the bills. This morning I am feeling: is this the Style I want to adopt? To reach a goal, do I want to sacrifice my peace of mind and the flow of good wishes of the people around me? No! It seems that I can both achieve and be cool. Being “Cool” is something I would like to have as part of my Style. Being “Cool” means to me to have a reasonable concern for the welfare, attitude, thoughts and behavior of others, without compromising what is important to oneself. It means taking a little more time to achieve something if that extra time means a positive flow as opposed to ill-feelings and unnecessary conflict. In tune with this idea, I’ve let things go their own way this morning. (Judith went up before us; Nawang, the Sherpa, made what he wanted for breakfast.) I could almost say that I’ve taken on the attitude of serving the people I am paying (Nawang and the porter) and providing for (Judith). The result is:

1. I am enjoying the waking hour in my warm sleeping bag
2. I was served hot tea
3. They’re preparing breakfast while I am writing.

Consequently, I feel well cared-for and content, thus, happy and untroubled. I love leisurely mornings of thought, food and comfort.

5:30 p.m. At the back of this journal, I am going to begin a record. One page will be for Style. On this page, I am going to begin listing (along with the date of the entry) all the ideas that I would have regarding what I would like my style to be. I could write each idea, then discuss it in a separate journal to save space. In addition to a page on Style, I should include one on possible Ultimate Goals.

27 November, 1983

(To Summit of Island Peak and Back Down to) Chukkung

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I want to begin forming specific ideas on what I would like my style to be. One such idea is that I want to be ‘cool.’ I’ve started a list at the back of this book for “Style” and for possible “Ultimate Goals.” (I was thinking today: whatever Style I choose for myself, it ignores the fact that I already have a style!)

Discussion: Again I have doubts as to my progress. It seems that I’m going around in circles. I feel as if someone were reading this and saying: “Why does he need to keep this journal? Why does he bother trying to define his style?” I feel like others are out there doing while I am just writing about it—and I can’t even decide what I want to do on paper!

I reiterate that I want to do something special with my life. These pages are intended to be an exploratory work aimed at setting the proper direction for my life. I would like to do something extraordinary, a first. Music seems like a possible choice; I long to create.

(Middle of the night): I want to both a) do a variety of things b) excel in something that will provide satisfaction. This is a paradox. I believe I must apply a great deal of my time in order to master something, so how can I do both? I need to be practical.

My nature is such that I am absorbed by whatever surroundings I am in. I am very much influenced by the people who happen to be around me at a particular time. I seem to pursue a variety of things simply because “I don’t want to miss out on anything.” For example, now I want: a) to see Gokyo*, b) to see Phortse, c) to see the Yeti scalp in Pangboche**, d) to make love to Judith, e) to get out of my financial crunch***

On one hand, I appreciate my desire not to be superficial—i.e., I don’t want to miss out on things, I want to experience what’s around me. On the other hand, I fear that my outlook isn’t broad enough. I would prefer to go to Africa, for example, or Greece, or see the Taj Mahal, rather than see Phortse. The point is that I’ve only got so much time and money. I should look at the big picture. In essence, I’ve got to consider sacrificing the less important things for the more essential. By doing so, I’ve got a better chance to fulfill my dreams.

Again, I feel a need to have a planning journal. Maybe at the end of this thirty-five day exploratory period I can begin keeping a notebook in which I discuss the most relevant planning issue or problem on my mind each day.

*later I decided not to go

** tried by did not succeed in seeing it

***I have no money here in Chukkung

28 November, 1983

On the bed at the vacant but nice Everest View Hotel

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: Basically, yesterday’s entry hinted at frustration. I intimated that I would like to do something special, a first. Yet I mentioned that because I find countless pursuits to interest me. This causes a paradox, namely that I can’t be both a jack-of-all-trades and a master of one—or at least that’s my assessment at the moment. I feel I can be good or event great at something if I apply myself entirely—but, I it seems to me that I’ll have to be totally devoted to that objective. I called on myself to analyze what I have time for and what I don’t have time for. Lastly, I suggested doing daily problem solving.

Discussion: While I was walking tonight, I got a flash, that feeling of being like the greatest man on earth.   I was considering the whole world and the entire human race at once. I’m glad to have these bursts of inspiration. I asked myself—could it be to be a famous song-writer—really famous, or even to be a Philosopher-King?

Other interesting things came up in a conversation with Judith.   One was that she said Marcus, Jack and Greg were talking and one of them, referring to me, said “he doesn’t know what he wants.” The other was that Judith said my behavior in letting Nawang, the Sherpa, manipulate me was “unbalanced.” She said I’ve got to try to be balanced like a ball!

29 November, 1983

Monzo

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I hit on the point that I would like to excel in something, but I realize the necessity to work hard and sacrifice many pursuits in an effort to attain such an end. In short, I must eventually decide what I am willing to do and to sacrifice in order to attain my chosen objectives.

As an aside, I also mentioned someone else’s observation that I “don’t know what I want.” Even though the comment was referring to the fact I didn’t know what I wanted concerning a specific thing, it struck me as interesting. I don’t necessarily think this is my weakness. Perhaps it is my strength!

I mentioned I was told I should make my “balance like a ball.” It seems like an analogous way of suggesting never to lose my balance. What did she mean by this? It seems to me to be important; it struck a chord in me. If I get the chance to discuss it further with Judith, I will.

Discussion: I noticed that the last two days, musical ideas are beginning to come into my head. However poor they might be, I encourage this trend! It makes me wonder if by mentioning it in this journal I stimulated this reaction. If it is true that by merely writing about something I can affect positive results, then writing seems like a possible tool.

I think that I am making progress. Although it may be slow, it feels solid. A direction has been formed: to make a realistic assessment of what I want to do and what I have time for.

I’m going to have to make a list of everything I want to do and an analysis of its importance and/or relative importance.

30 November, 1983

Puiyun

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I concluded that I should list what I want to do, and then prioritize and analyze the list.

Discussion: It seems easy enough to list what I want to do. It raises the question of what I want to be. Or is stating what I want to “be” unnecessary? Stating what I want to do itself implies what I want to “be.” I’m think that saying what I want to Do is sufficient.

This brings up another point. Consistency is very important. For example, some days, I put out so much, while other days I just “laze” around. I realize that maybe there is a need to be lazy in between tasks. However, there are days I feel I want to do something, but I don’t have the momentum, I can’t think of what to do, I have to take care of uninteresting but necessary chores, or for some reason I have to wait. I should develop the ability to have a smooth flow of productive days. Even if I have to start off small, accomplishing a little each day, it is better to do so than try to push myself on certain days and do nothing in between. I need to be more consistent to gain the personal momentum necessary for goal achievement.

When creating the list of adventure-oriented things I wanted to do last night, I noticed that it was extensive. It made me realize that, even in this one area, it would require an enormous expenditure of time (as a percentage of my expected life span). Anyway, I feel it is a concrete and positive step to make a list of my dreams, and I encourage myself to continue to fill out and expand the list. It is interesting, enlightening, edifying, and useful.

In line with my previous thoughts on “consistency,” maybe I can also begin a list on qualities I think might need to improve my “momentum.”

I had a thought concerning “making my balance like that of a ball.” It occurred to me that a ball changes its momentum instantly as it bounces against objects. In line with this analogy, I must not only build personal momentum, but I must also be able to change the direction of that momentum quickly as circumstances require me to do so. In this way, I can most efficiently utilize my energies.

I’m happy about the thoroughness of the flow of discussions in this journal, even though some of the writing is just theoretical. I’m glad I can discuss topics without being anxious to yet put them into practical play.

1 December, 1983

Puiyun

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I’m getting down to specifics, making lists of what I want to do and what changes that I would like to see in myself. While it seems orderly to first decide what I want to do before deciding what I will need to do it, I am nevertheless “feeling out” methods or truths about the way my interactions with reality can be controlled. I hope to be propelled towards a chosen destination by harnessing innate, but as yet undeveloped or underdeveloped, personal power.

I’ve noted Consistency as another quality of Style I would like to have.

Discussion: I just began a list of what I want to buy and do and have. I also feel like deciding on what talents I would like to develop.

I am enjoying making a list. It is great for me to be able to see concrete goals after so much discussion. The initial list may have to be cut down considerably to make it more realistic, but I should always leave it open to new ideas. At the moment, I’m finding it challenging to think of more ideas. But in the next weeks, I am sure I can think of at least one more full page of them. I should construct a rational method of prioritization.

I’m wondering if I’ve rendered the concept of Ultimate Goal obsolete, since in reality, there must be a variety of goals. (But I did say before that the Ultimate Goal could consist of many goals.)

I am eager to begin implementing my ideas.

2 December, 1983

Jubing

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I began writing down my goals, but I noted my need to think on a higher plane, one dealing with the abstractions of reality. I need to try to understand the complex workings of myself as a human and spiritual entity.

Discussion: I was pondering the question of the way and reason that plants grow. It occurred to me that one could understand things just by observing them and applying thought to them. Profound questions can be answered through study.

Today I mused, perceiving reality through a sort of magical filter, “Maybe Judith was ‘sent’ to me as a teacher.” This way of looking at things on a different level made me think, “I want to bring back the magic of the world, either just for myself or even for the whole of the world’s population.”

I was also thinking that a “ball” will easily roll to the bottom of valley, but how does it propped itself upwards??? Blah, blah, blah.

I’ve been starting to sing and think of tunes, again however rudimentary—I encourage this kind of behavior in myself. In trying to sing today, I became discouraged because my voice didn’t seem good enough and I feel very self-conscious about it. At one point, I felt like totally giving up. This seems odd that I can both want to build my life around music and yet feel such hopelessness and despair about it so easily. Rationally, I think I deserve a longer go than one hour singing!!!!

3 December, 1983

Tragshindu (Cheese Factory)

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: The writing seemed messy and discontinuous.

Discussion: It seems I’m going to have to think of a way to motivate myself to work on music. Perhaps an attempt at setting a goal in this direction and working towards it methodically might help. I was just thinking, for example, if one of my goals is to write, perform and record a platinum album of the year it might be a good idea to:

1. try to get to know people involved in making hit ‘albums of the year’
2. to try to get to sit in on recording sessions
3. to learn from the composers themselves
4. to learn from the musicians themselves
5. to work on writing, performing and recording songs from this day forward
6. set some sort of guidelines in writing for (e)
7. set guidelines for my behavior in handling (a) to (d)
8. create a strategy with specific milestones

When discussing “bringing back the magic of the world” it was intended along the line of “heightening my perception.” Sometimes, I suppose when free of distractions, I am better able to “see” how fantastic the world is. How can I maintain such a level of heightened perception? When I feel inspired and/or when I am in an inspiring environment, it is easier to “see” more. I think (a positive) momentum itself also helps me operate on a higher plane. For example, the thought of learning how great recording artists do their work excites me. It is a pursuit for which I feel very enthusiastic. It is as if, because I want to get involved so badly, there is already a great momentum! This seems like a warp, i.e., a way to bypass expenditures of energy on menial endeavors. Instead of expending energy creating momentum, it would behoove me to find out where my innate momentums, or drives, are. Harness the innate energy! (This feels like a discovery!)

AXIOM 1: DISCOVER INNATE MOMENTUMS.

This was later codified into Theory 1, worded as follows:

Theory 1: Theory of Innate Momentum

Discovery of innate momentums transcends material gain.

[Or: The discovery of innate momentums out-races outward improvement exponentially.

Or: The discovery of innate momentums is a warp to outward improvement.]

Now, “to see the world in a magical way,” this idea, is style, of course! A magical way to perceive the forest is as a living, conscious entity. The magical way to view a person is as a witch, an angel, a God, a thief, a devil, a great person, etc. I don’t know what definition I can give to a magical style, but I like the idea.

I thought about the concept of efficiency curves (or success curves or proficiency curves).   A simple diagram will illustrate the concept.

There could be many graphs, depending on the person’s own characteristics and the task relative to his or her abilities. I should seek out activities for which the graph would be exponential, with as steep a slope as possible at the critical level, or the steepest average slope in the critical interval.

4 December, 1983

Tragshindu (Cheese Factory)

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I discussed the idea of perceiving the world on a heightened, even magical, plane. I hit upon the notion that one of the secrets of discovering ways to accelerate one’s ability to accomplish things is to learn what one’s innate momentums, or drives, are. I discussed for the first time the concept of efficiency curves.

Discussion: The idea of discovering innate momentums is interesting. It makes me suspect that what was happening in Joe Karbo’s (*) idea to write down everything you really wanted as goals was that by creating goals which you really, really wanted, you had a natural, existing super-drive to get them. So, in essence, the suggestion was aimed at helping people to discover their innate momentums.

The talk of efficiency curves seems a novel and interesting idea. I suppose that I could even use the idea by plotting actual progress in the past or plotting present increases in a test experiment.

I am wondering if, in the process of setting goals in the past, I was being realistic as to innate my talents. I want to consider what my innate drives are.

(* Joe Karbo was author of the book, The Lazy Man’s Way To Riches.)

5 December, 1983

Junbesi

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: Yesterday’s entry seemed a summary of things in itself.

Discussion: Last night, I was considering the following concept: Go to the Sources. What do I mean by that? Two things. I heard a theory that great composers drew on a universal source—that is, for example, that when a composer created a piece of music, he was actually tuning in on an ethereal source of great music—a source which exists but which can’t be detected by our normal senses. So, I conjectured that if I could tune in to the sources of the things I want, I, too, could create great works. Now that I write it down, it seems rather far-fetched! Could the environments of the composers be something to duplicate (for example, to put myself in similar settings to those in which great musical works were written)?

The other thought that came to me regarding “Go to the Sources” was a practical one. In this case, I simply meant to go directly to the well-spring of what you want to do. If you want to make a hit record, seek out the environment where these are being made. If you want to be a mountaineer, hang out in the Alps, Andes, Himalayas, etc. Perhaps my examples aren’t totally proper, but the point is made well enough, I think.

I feel despondent over these writings. Are they going anywhere?? I think a factor in this despondency is that I feel my ideas are running thin. I think I’ve had lots of good ideas, but I feel a need to summarize them, to pull them together.   At this time, I will review all the writings to date….

I intended to review everything I learned in each entry, but I’ve failed to follow through. I got about three pages into my review, and I decided that, instead, after the thirty-five day period, I will endeavor to make a formal report on my discoveries.

I think that what is happening to my momentum at the moment is typical and represents something which should be analyzed and figured out! I will explain. I was after Judith. I succeeded in wooing her. I have spent some time on the trail, enjoying the situation. I almost left her to go after another woman, but the other woman didn’t seem ready or as pretty as I first suspected! One part of me wants to enjoy Judith, and the other part of me says I should move on. On the other hand, I can pursue the sexual pleasures with Judith. (This represents the Sexual Paradox.) For me, there is a greater message in all this, in that it is representative of any given scenario that trips up my momentum!! This can be reduced to one of two following general problems.

I pursue either:

1. a worthless goal, or
2. a worthy goal, which,
   1. once accomplished, leaves a void, and the need to formulate a new direction, or
   2. the new ‘post-success’ state may not be what I expected it to be.

I can try to formulate a new direction, but my present “success” leaves me feeling bogged down. When I say bogged down, what I mean is that although I am having fun, the fact remains that I am, or feel I am, restricted from movement.

Perhaps when a person “succeeds”, they reach a higher plane. At that point, the old goals, ones that were perceived when one was on a lower plane, no longer satisfy a person’s ambitions. If this is so, it can explain why it is not unusual to feel a ‘let-down’ after one has achieved the object of their ambitions.

Note: Downward arrows signify failure of momentum to carry to success or higher plane.

However, now that I have written this out, I see that a two-dimensional graph fails to illustrate the point. C₂ (the imagined new goal one heads for after the accomplishment of B₂) is not necessarily more desirable than C₁: only the uppermost states are “superior” to the others. The translation of this in practical terms: if you succeed at something, great, but if you are subsequently lost as to what to do next, you are not necessarily better off than you might have been had you taken a longer, more steady course. A 3-D diagram would depict this.

The Z-axis represents “higher plane” I seek. Suppose I go from A to the higher state of B₂. Unless I shoot for C₃, I will have a natural momentum of going to C₁, that is, dropping back down to my original level. However, had I merely pursued a lesser goal at first, B₁, but having had a plan to shoot for C₂ once in B₁, I could rise to C₂. The idea is that it is better to keep on a steady course (A, B, C₂), having your next steps planned well in advance, than to succeed at first but have no ideas how to proceed from there. Otherwise, one can find himself floundering, even though they may have just have succeeded at something.   The basic ideas here are:

1.  that with each accomplishment, a person transcends to a higher state,
2. it is desirable to keep transcending to continuously higher planes, but,
3.  if a person does not already have a follow-up goal in mind, one suffers the risk of falling back down to a level lower than that which they might have been on had they maintained a different course.

Illustrations of this kind of paradigm abound in the real world. One example that readily comes to mind is that of famous entertainers that end up overdosed on drugs.

A success can tie up my energies when I don’t have a follow-up goal with momentum already building towards it. In the case cited, maybe I should have thought: if I win Judith, what next? What’s my next move? What is my momentum building towards?

I feel strongly that it is positive to create goals in such a way so that at any given point in time, there is an urgent necessity to strive towards something, which keeps you vital, even if the next objective is merely to sit in the sun writing!! In the case given, I wonder if quickly changing my momentum towards the other woman would not have proved more fulfilling.

Where will I turn my energies? I think:

1. The higher I push myself, the more vital will be my time;
2. If I push myself to a high end and fail, I still may feel satisfaction, and although the result may inevitably be a lesser success than I originally wished for, it may be a higher success than I would have reached if I’d never attempted a great end;
3. Aligning goals with energies, creating a synergy that leads to success, may be a moderate style and may, in effect, yield optimal enjoyment.

This still leaves me to consider the current paradox I mentioned (about what I should do next). Do I need a definite direction? I like the feeling of a definite direction, but I do not want the pressure of its pursuit to suppress my enjoyment of life. Currently, I feel pressured by minor considerations, such as the need to renew my trekking permit, change money, get to Katmandu to buy the red coral mala, etc. If it wasn’t for these practical everyday problems, I would feel content to remain in Junbesi. Was I guilty of lack of proper planning? (But I wanted to let things develop naturally with Judith.) Is there some direction that I could think of that would erase these lesser problems in light of its brilliance? This is the eternal question!

Notes:

Problems are leverage, created by the nucleus of soul’s desire.

I would say “Go to the Sources” fails as Axiom 2, which I was trying it out for, but it might be a good candidate for style. I’ll have to sit on it for now. At any rate, it could be called a strategy. I’ll make a sheet for strategy and add it as a possibility.

6 December, 1983

Shivalaya

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: I think it would be way too time consuming to summarize all I’ve learned with each entry. I reiterate that it would be a good idea to make a formal summary at the end of thirty-five days.

I find the last part of the discussion fascinating. It depicts a recurring theme! You get what you want, but what then??

Discussion: It must be necessary to continually consider the future so that lulls in exaltation are minimized. Perhaps goals should be analyzed for:

1. side effects
2. spin-off
3.  integrity
4. is there something better to go for?
5. what will I follow success up with?

The above thoughts seem to emphasize the need for planning!   Perhaps, I can make up lists (short-term and long-term) of what I want to do. I can also make Push Lists, i.e., a list of things that I would like to do or love to do, but wouldn’t normally try because of some “practical” consideration, some other goal, or because I don’t feel I will succeed. This would create a separation between goals that are more ambitious and those that I would normally consider “doable.” I called it a push list because it would be full of ambitions that would push me to new limits or beyond my ordinary momentum.

Push Lists

Further, I could have short- and long-term Push Lists. In this context, I could have my “Ultimate Goal” serve as the pinnacle of my dreams: the highest attainment I want (and could hope to reach). The long-term Push List could be an intermediate sub-goal list between my “long-term” goals and my Ultimate Goal. Long-term goals could be the things that I am presently seeking over the long run. Medium-term goals would be an intermediate phase list aimed at leading up to the long-term goals. Short-term goals would handle present needs and wants and also some would be directed towards the achievement of medium and long-term goals. Push Lists would be things that would carry me beyond my ordinary expectations. I have an idea that they could serve as a warp or the warp between my regular goals (long, medium, short) and goals of the next highest order (ultimate, long and medium, respectively.)

A crude diagram:

7 December, 1983

Kiriantichap

Solu Khumbu, Nepal

Summary: The last entry seemed to depict an interesting and usable format for goals. It incorporated the idea of warps. The essence of the idea of a Warp is contained in posing and answering the following question:

If I have a set of goals and sub-goals, is there an activity which I can engage in which, by accomplishing, would bypass much of the work.

Eventually, I believe I’ll put this format into practice.

Discussion:

Motivators. Yesterday, it occurred to me that thoughts are the essential motivators.*

Have you ever noticed the lift, or inspiration, you feel when someone says special words to you? Thoughts, expressed verbally or in writing, communicated to you can and do change you life. Words and thoughts truly seem like one of the basic motivators, but, at least for me, they have to (in order to serve as motivators) have meaning in order to touch and inspire me inside.

I think I have no better idea at present than to use thoughts as motivators. The question is: how do I inspire myself? That is, how do I continually enable myself to create thoughts that have meaning and are inspiring? The answer presently seems to be to continually reason my thoughts out. Sit down, write it out if need be, discover the reason for a drop in motivation if it exists, discover rational reasons why I should think specific thoughts that will be motivating, then think them.

*Later note: I ultimately chose this as Axiom 1 of the System, as stated below:

Axiom 1

Thoughts are the essential motivators.

26 January 1998

Seoul, Korea

Exploratory Writing on System to Unleash Potential

Fourteen years ago in Oct 1983 I attempted to come up with a system for unleashing potential. After a 35-day period, the effort fizzled out because I got distracted by other things. The ironic thing is that I was discouraged with my lack of progress when actually, in the objectivity of a fourteen-year lapse, I feel the writings are still pertinent, every bit as relevant today as they were then. They are not only to valuable to myself, I think they hold meaning for others. I am intrigued.

I now pick up where I left off. I think if I follow the path I was on then, I will see a significant change in my life, provided no major unforeseen obstacles arise.

The format of the writings was to:

1. Write each day.
2. The first step was to review where I had gotten to thus far.
3. The second step was to have a discussion.
4. Review. Discussion.

Pursuant to that style, I will pick up as if it is only the next day, December 9, 1983. It is now January 26, 1998.

Summary Review:

To date, I have come to some basic conclusions:

1. I will write daily in a progressive fashion, building on the previous day’s conclusions, in order to attempt to find a system for unleashing potentials. The goal of the system is to utilize it myself with the hopes of establishing that it works. The end goal is to leave it to others for their own uses.
2. Key points developed to date are:
   1. the need to write daily,
   2. the need to establish well-defined goals,
   3. the importance of continual re-evaluation,
   4. the discovery of Axiom 1, which states (worded for this review):   The discovery of innate momentums is a warp to another dimension.   [The Discovery of Innate Momentums initiates has the potential to “warp” us to a new, transcendent state.]
   5. the concept of the interaction of philosophy, from which emanates style (from which emanates strategies) [STYLE is the way I go through life’s path] and goals, and the interaction of all these spheres,
   6. the concept that it is not enough simply to set sights on success and succeed, but that it is also necessary to anticipate the goals beyond the success; in essence, what next?,
   7. the concept that desire splits into desire to do things and desire to change in order to do those things;
   8. the concept of the Ultimate Goal and Push Goals,
   9. the concept of Excitement versus Contentment, how these relate to Vitalness versus Happiness, their relation to Ambition versus Acceptance and Struggle versus Boredom, as depicted in the illustration below. The thought is that I can have both, that is, happiness and vitalness, excitement and contentment, ambition and acceptance.
   10. the concept of personal momentum and the importance of accelerating it in relation to the objectives of this study,
   11. the idea of a “warp”, that is, leaping to new transcendent states, the theoretical possibility of vast improvements to personal momentum and accomplishment
   12. The discovery of Axiom 2 [not realized till now]: Thoughts are the essential motivators.
3. The overall viewpoint of a person’s path toward a goal takes on this appearance:
4. There are many, many other concepts and little nooks and crannies that were discussed. Some of them I feel have great value in being explored.
   1. Not knowing what I want may, rather than be my weakness, may be my strength,
   2. I must not only be able to build personal momentum, but I must also be able to change the direction of that momentum quickly as circumstances require me to do so in order to most efficiently utilize my energies.
   3. I should construct a rational method of prioritization.
   4. I need to think on a higher plane. Rather than merely writing down my goals, I need to deal with the abstractions of reality, a need to try to understand the complex workings of myself as a human and spiritual entity.
   5. Success can tie up my energies when I don’t have a follow-up goal with momentum already building towards it. What is my momentum building towards?
   6. In an indecisive state, either path is (or may be) appropriate.
   7. Happiness comes from within, from the realization of all the good, the fantastic and germaine that abound without your senses. To be happy, all I need to do is to let my sense open, and allow the beauty of life to fill me. Later note today: to remember the possibility that to lose all ambition can also result in happiness.
   8. Are goals and ambitions and their pursuit Happiness-yielding or Happiness-destroying or are happiness and goals unrelated?

I left off for some strange reason, I do not remember why. Perhaps it was my own discouragement.

Discussion:   One thing is sure. Reading the journal from 1983 is exciting to me. The discussion seemed so open. This led to depth because I took the time to analyze my feelings and thoughts.

In order to bring the discussion to the present day, I will say this. Lately I have been plagued with a sense of hopelessness about a lot of things. It is fascinating to me to relate this to the discussion back then, the part about succeeding and how this could be a drain on energies if there was nothing to follow up the success. This is precisely one of my problems. I actually experience a lot of success yet find myself miserable. Why is this? It seems I do too little stepping back and looking at the big picture!! For me, this is happiness. Happiness is perspective. Axiom 3.

Only by viewing my life in context of something does it have meaning and can the little annoyances be considered in light of a greater goal, thus minimizing their effect on my momentum!

I am sort of “feeling my way in the dark.” But my intuition tells me that planning at this point is critical. Keep in mind that if I had a choice between achievement and process, I would probably choose process. “It’s not whether you win or lose but how you play the game.” What do I care for achievement? If I can be graceful, perhaps this is enough. But even as I write these words, I know it is not satisfactory. Both are important. Otherwise, it is only theory. I have a need to see my process validated in the execution of the idea.

Funny, the importance little things in the physical reality can make to the spiritual reality! It is easy enough associate the spiritual as superior to the physical But our physical existence in so many ways influences our spiritual awareness. Do not discount the physical reality.

Idea: To open up my own web page, to put my writings on it.

I notice just putting down as one of my central goals in a recently started five year plan as being to consolidate my journals has resulted in a freer mind with respect to working on the journals. This is interesting, almost as if I have a hidden approval system within myself.   When I don’t think about it, this system is scattered. When I plan, it consolidates. What other needed and wanted changes can be achieved by being more aware and asking myself questions? Surprise myself.

Conclusions for today:

I am not in control of my life. In some ways, formerly, during the time I was writing, I was hampered by financial constraints and also by lack of confidence. In both these areas, I have improved my situation, so that these factors are not nearly so constraining as they once were. Unfortunately, something else has happened: I have succeeded without proper after-planning. What would be behind the success? I think the near term answers are simple: I must get back to planning and analyzing: but this time, I should endeavor not to get distracted, but to build on the ideas that are generated. The conclusion for today is: Plan, plan, plan.

Future writings should maintain the format:

1.  Summary, review.
2. Discussion.
3. Day’s conclusion.

Axiom 4 * Material success results from the abandonment of the material aspects of the goals sought in favor of concentration on the Process, the style and strategy of which process arises from the philosophy from which the goals originally emanated.

This is later modified and reclassified as Theory 2, as cited below:

Theory 2: Theory of Material Success

Process energy is fundamentally more powerful than the material world.

Corollary 1: Energy applied to process yields material gains exponentially greater than energy applied to material gains.

To be continued….